Things I Did Over Labor Day Weekend Instead of the One Labor I Actually Needed to Do

• Stared at the laundry machine for a while.
• Talked on the phone about doing my laundry.
• Willed the laundry to be done with my mind.
• Cleaned out the lint trap.
• Evaluated each article of clothing in the laundry basket to determine if it really needed to be laundered.
• Opened and closed the laundry machine a few times to see if the latch was working properly.
• Reminded myself that most adults don't have this much trouble doing laundry.
• Gave up and went shopping at Zara to stall the laundry one more week.