Reasons I Laughed and Cried in Public Today Like a Totally Stable and Well-Adjusted Individual

• I knocked myself out after hitting my head on the wall while dry shampooing my hair due to the fact that I am out of real person shampoo
• A man stopped me in the street to ask if I played sports because, I don't know if you know this, BUT I AM REALLY TALL
• I have eaten every meal out this week because I STILL haven't made it to the grocery store
• Five cups of coffee per day apparently isn't enough to sustain me any longer
• I broke down sobbing last night while trying to decide if I have enough room for my ugly yet beloved foot duvets in my tiny clown car that is about to transport all of my belongings across the country